The Vacation of the SOS Brigade
by Shimata
Summary: It was just another peaceful, school day. Until our beloved main character told everyone that they would go to New York City for the winter break. Chases, frustration and adventure, the SOS Brigade goes to the other side of the world.
1. Zetsubō no Kyon

The Vacation of the SOS Brigade

**xoxo**

_You know how when summer vacation starts, you feel all pumped up but in the middle of it, you want school to start? That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm just ranting for this section so bear with me here. This is my second work that relates with Haruhi (The first was a fairly successful poem). This is also the introduction to the story so bear with me here, again. This story will take place after the 14__th__ episode of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Please enjoy for what I have in store._

**xoxo**

**Disclaimer: **The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya solely belongs to the rightful owner of Tatsuya Ishihara along with Kyoto Animation.

**xoxo**

It's Friday, the last school day of the week. The snow fell down like confetti while the cold air stung on my face and the chatter of students ran though the air. Of course, I began my usual trek up the hill, holding my backpack that felt like it was filled with bricks. I changed my shoes, took the usual way to the classroom and sat in my usual seat and listened to the teacher like any other person. So far, everything is going the normal way. However, it didn't apply to someone in this classroom, which was busy napping away behind me.

That person was Haruhi Suzumiya.

If you added her to any equation, even the easiest ones, the answer would be off the charts. If someone asked me to describe her, there are only three things that would be floating around my head to describe her with. Time quake. Sudden burst of data. God. If you think I'm crazy, go ahead and call the hospital. I'm perfectly sane. The list of events that I went though the year wasn't. Upon that list was solving a murder on an island during a tropical storm, seeing my class representative during the process of being 'deleted', and kissing the person behind me in a dream that could determine the fate of the world. I know that Dr. Phil or Oprah would be on my case if they learned this. Anyone would. Now that the lesson is over, maybe now I could sneak away from…

'Hey, Kyon? What do you want to dress Mikuru in? Neko? Vampire? Maybe a dog?' Haruhi said as she dragged the back of my head onto her desk.

I guess she woke up. I started to remember what she said. Neko girl? I think I feel my head getting heated up, despite the pain on my head. Did someone turned on another heater?

'I don't know. Maybe a cat, it sounds kind of cute.' I tried to say this carefully without getting images in my head or nosebleeds dripping down my nose.

'What do you mean cute? I meant the works.' After I heard Haruhi mutter 'whip', 'pantyhose' and 'high heels', I gave a message to her that a girl like Asahina-san shouldn't be dressed like a toy in a love hotel or a easy target inside a cosplay hotel. Hope that I wouldn't hear the word 'pole' from her or I'll be looking for Asahina to hide from the merciless god.

After I ended the lecture, she started to head out the classroom as I followed her. 'Well, I'll be going to Akihabara to find the latest dresses. I won't be in the clubroom today since it would take too much time.'

Why Akihabara? It wouldn't be worth it and the fare is more steep then the usual.

'Because almost any anime fan has a fetish for neko girls and what high school student in Japan doesn't watch anime?'

Point taken.

After I've seen her ran out the front entrance, with little difficultly, I walked into the SOS Brigade's humble abode. Complete with a blackmailed computer and four laptops, a heater, a rack of costumes, a hot water dispenser, tea set, snacks, tables, chairs and Haruhi's personal sign. The only thing that I've forgot was the only person that was in the room besides me. Yuki Nagato. Remember last time when I said that she's like an accessory? I decide to count her on the list. Besides, it's almost like she's inside this particular room all the time, besides being in her apartment. She's a member of the SOS Brigade, the club that the so-called god made. If you are wondering what does the SOS means, it means '**S**ave the World by **O**verloading it with Fun, Haruhi **S**uzumiya Brigade.' If you thought that the world screeched to a halt, that meant you had the same reaction as I had. The members are consisted of an esper, time traveler, alien, a normal human and a female god. Please note that the normal one is me. The alien is the person that is reading in the back of the room, Nagato-san. She is an artificial human made by the Integrated Data Entity which designed Nagato to observe Haruhi because of a data explosion four years ago and she was in the middle of it.

'Nagato, is the book that you're reading good?' I wasn't aware of the books that are next to her until now. All of their titles were similar, in fact. Seems like a series.

'It is interesting.'

'What's the name of it?' I decided to pursue further to relief some of my boredom I've gathered the last few days and sat in the Chief's chair and turned on the computer.

'Artemus Fowl: The Time Paradox. It's the last book to be out for three years.' Yuki said in monotone, as always.

'Doesn't a time paradox remind me of something?' I stared at the door, as if the answer would walk in the door while I was browsing through 2chan.

As if on cue, the 'mascot' of the Brigade walked in. Her name is Mikuru Asahina, the victim of all of Haruhi's antics and the trusty time traveler of the club. For some reason, something happened four years ago that made the time travelers unable to travel back further then that. As a result, they sent the angel in front of me to observe Haruhi. I saw that her school uniform was intact, with no wrinkles, missing parts or any remote signs that she was handled by Haruhi. Grope, touch, no matter how you say it, it's the same.

'Hello, Asahina-san. Do you need some time to change?' I recall barging in on her changing once or twice, and yet, seeing her clad in pink underwear without having any hormones active is a remarkable feat. Guys my age can barely control what's in their pants. A single nod answered my question as I started to head out to the hallway…

'Hello, everyone. How was your day?' A grinning bastard was standing where the door once been as it unexpectedly slammed into my face and a crack could be heard in the room. I guess I had the nosebleed after all, in spite of holding it in. I forgot to introduce him; the name of the bastard in front of me is Itsuki Koisumi, the loyal follower of the leader. He is the esper that fights 'Celestials' in Closed Space, something that only occur when Haruhi is angry, bored, frustrated, name any negative emotion, it causes it. Again, four years ago, he got his powers along with a select others with the knowledge of Haruhi as the source of their new found abilities. They almost worship her as God because of her power to get what she wants. I won't be surprised if he gave her this idea and a religion called Haruhiism would found in every corner of the Earth, making the Pope look like a toothpick. After a few minutes and a tissue later, my nosebleed was stopped and I started to play The Day of Sagittarius III with Koisumi.

'So, how is Suzumiya-san doing today? Did she plan anything for us today?'

'Nah, nothing except getting a new dress for Asahina-san and her to wear.' The catchy game music turned on and the war started.

'Did she tell you what kind of dress she would be buying?'

'Not really, but I guess it would be a neko. She said it would be the works until I stopped her.' I said while sending out a few scouts to find Koisumi's position.

'Since it's Suzumiya-san, I must guess that it will be cute for us when we see it.'

Don't say that while you are smiling. Make you look like a hyena, waiting for its prey.

The battle continued, with me launching a gorilla attack out of nowhere, crippling one-tenth of his fleet. After a few more minutes, with the advantage holding in my favor, I decided to finish it once and for all.

I sighed. 'Finally, I won against you. It took a long time to accomplish this.' Both of us were closing our laptops and putting them back in that corner that is devoid of any dust, due to our maid's cleaning. Instead of maid, I should say maiden.

'Shall I give you words of congratulations on my part?'

'No thanks. If it's from you, it wont matter anyway.' as I sat back down while Asahina-san gave us her award-winning tea. Even ambrosia would lack in taste compared to this.

For now, it is just one normal day. If 'drinking tea with an esper, time traveler, and an organic humanoid interface inside a room' was the definition of normal, then it is just one normal day.

Even the unexpected wouldn't disturb me since I was living the unexpected for the past year.

'Yahoo! How are you, everyone!?'

I take that back. Everyone was fazed by the unexpected outburst that just occurred in that peaceful second. Haruhi was standing in the front of the room, wearing a white jacket with a couple of shopping bags slung over her shoulder. A cat ear was peeking out of its bag… Wait a second! She's seriously doing it!? My spider sense is tingling and it's telling me to haul some ass!

'Kyon! Get back here, you idiot! Along with Mikuru!'

Those words were more effective then someone threatening to shoot my thing right out the stratosphere with a water gun. Again, with Haruhi, anything's possible. I thought about that when I grudgingly sat back in my seat.

'I thought that you were in Akihabara. It would take some time to get from there to here.'

'I took the express train and I just bought a cute neko suit that fits perfectly for me and Mikuru-chan that was just around the corner that was on sale.' She continued to ramble on. 'I also thought where we should go for winter vacation, just like last time.'

So this is what they mean when they said the calm before the storm. Except replace the storm with a gigantic female god with laser eyes, obliterating everything that's in her way.

I should stop thinking about giant monsters and divert my attention to our awesome, fearless leader who kicks ass. My ass, as a matter of fact.

'So? What are you trying to say?' I reluctantly said in case of a worse case scenario.

'Let's go to the U.S. of A.!' She pumped her hand up in the air, as if it's nothing. It wasn't. I think the world screeched to a halt, once again.

'You want us to go, basically, to the other side of the world.' I thought it was a joke.

'Yeah.' An eruption of insanity rushed though my head, going though the option if I should strangle her, hit her, slap her or go search for a blunt item.

'One of my distant relative has a house in Brooklyn, and he invited us to stay there for a few days, during the break. He said that all expenses will be paid, except for food in the restaurants and souvenirs. You need to pay those from out of your own pocket.'

Is it me, or Koisumi a cheap, scheming bastard who like to see me in agony?

'Nope, that's just you.' He said while giving his trademark smile.

'He even sends us five tickets to LaGuardia Airport.' Haruhi holds up the tickets to demonstrate her point while a grin was plastered on her face.

Whenever she smiles like that, it always results in me or Asahina-san exhausted or abused. Oh, joy. Just do whatever you want. I saw enough things in my short life to fill ten lifetimes.

**xoxo**

_Author's Note:_ _For some reason, I feel like I'm missing something. I will appreciate all feedback and reviews that you give me, even the criticism that annoy me, oh, so much. I also need a beta-reader for this story but, they wouldn't respond. If there are any errors that I've miss or plot holes that I've left on, please PM me, and I will take it into consideration. Oh yeah, if you didn't know what is ambrosia, it is the food and drink of the gods in Greek mythology__._

_-Shimata_


	2. To Each His Own

**Chapter 2: To Each His Own**

_Author's Note: Well, after a month's delay, I bring you the second chapter of The Vacation of the SOS Brigade. If you asked me what took me so long, put yourselves in the shoes of a 14 year old kid who has two annoying parents, a idiotic 11 year old little brother who flushes a **pear** (Let me repeat, a **pear**) down the toilet, is in one of the top high schools in New York City and waited a month for his first ever anime convention, which was the New York Anime Festival. Oh, and if you see a guy who's wearing a bright green shirt being humiliated in from of Anime News Network's camera in the middle of their panel, that was me. Not a good way to make a memory, take my word for it. I also want to say thanks to everyone who is reading this and will continue to do so. Instead of giving me cookies and cake, I prefer reviews that you can send by the bottom left corner of the page. Now, I guess I should go on 4chan and check on my /a/… (P.S. - Thanks to the person that told me about the Koizumi spelling error. I give many internets to you.)_

**xoxo**

'_This is your plane, Delta Airlines 297, final boarding call from Tokyo to LaGuardia Airport.'_

After a night with no sleep, visions of candy canes and sugarplums in my head and an uneventful taxi ride, I unwillingly walked to the platform and heard words of good bye from behind.

'Bye, Kyon! Have a safe trip!'

Behind me, my cute little sister said her sendoff to me before I depart with her with our mother by her side. It's a good thing that she didn't climb into my luggage (again) this time. However, up ahead, I could see Haruhi standing with the rest of the group, pouting at my absence.

'You're late! Yuki, Mikuru-chan and Koisumi all came before me but you made us wait. Of course, you will have to be punished!'

After futilely telling her that I wasn't even over the assigned time, she still carried out the penalty like when England imposed the Tea Act on the thirteen colonies. Turns out that I have to pay for lunch when we land in New York and carry their entire luggage. Just when my back and my wallet were going to have a well-deserved vacation…

**xoxo**

After several hours of mind-blowing riddles, an ironic movie about snakes in a plane, and some well deserved sleep, we finally landed in the free land of the United States of America. The airport's smell reminds me of my grandma who's ten feet below, but that must be me. My mind must be playing tricks on me due to this freezing weather as we stepped outside the comfy haven into hell froze over twice. I tried to rub my hands together, in order to regain heat, but Haruhi's screams didn't seem to help one bit, although, I must admit, she did released a lot of hot air.

'Yahoo! Hello, A – mer- i – ca!' Her voice ran though the chilling air along with the stares of many uncomfortable foreigners.

Ignoring the 'weird' person in our group, I started to talk to Koisumi about this so-called 'relative' that we were meeting with.

'Hey, Koizumi?'

'Yeah, Kyon? What is it?'

'Uhh, where was the person that you were talking about? Wasn't he supposed to pick us up?' I looked around if there was anybody was holding a sign that said 'Mighty Leader' with bright red markings on the front with a santa hat.

'Oh, I made a mistake. He is coming with someone that he lives with, due to some 'unexpected' delays.'

Right after he finished that sentence, a faded blue SUV braked in front of us with a sudden halt. Seems like there are so many plot holes that's in my life right now, it's almost like Swiss cheese.

'Speak of the devil. Kyon, it looks like they are here.' His grin was replaced by a neutral yet solemn face as if we were **really **talking about the devil.

'Hey, Koizumi! Long time no see!'

I turned my head to see two people that were all smiles, emerging from the heap of junk that they call a van, both covered in layers of clothing. They were male and female, that looked like they were in their twenty's and were oriental.

'Hello, you must be Haruhi.' She shook hands with the male and greeted him with the usual, energetic 'Hi!'

A striking beauty with orange hair stood in front of me, wearing several layers of cloths with denim jeans and a pair of blue sunglasses. It's almost like another angel was sent from heaven to protect us from the wrath of our mighty god.

'…and you must be Kyon. It's nice to meet you.' She held her hand in front of me.

'Likewise. Hope we won't be a bother, on behalf of all of us.' I shook her hand in response. 'But we don't know your names. You are…uh…'

'Allow me to introduce them. This is Ayano-chan…' Koizumi, with his award winning smile, continued to be 'helpful' to us. '…and Ikuto-sampai.' He introduced the male with black hair that was standing next to him, wearing a pair of glasses, earphones, a blue coat and some rugged pants. If you looked at him carefully, he resembles a zashiki-warashi.

'Please to meet you, everybody.'

However, our 'god' was too impatient as Haruhi stepped up on the plate and started to ramble on how we are so eternally grateful.

'On behalf our SOS Brigade, I the chief, thanks you for your hospitality and we look forward to staying in your quarters.' After saying that, she followed with a deep bow.

'Koizumi, she doesn't seem like the type that you talked about.' Ayano seems pretty surprised. That wasn't the first time we got that response actually.

'So let's go to your house. I hope that it's creepy and haunted.' Haruhi started to rub her hands together with a killer smile on her face. I should revise that. It's more like a smile of a mass serial killer.

'Sorry, but we don't have ghosts in New York. The Ghostbusters takes care of that. Get in before the antifreeze runs out.' After reassuring me that snakes, crocodiles or any reptiles could not live in the sewers in a metropolitan area, he slammed the door opened and showed us our seat. Two wooden benches nailed to the wall along with yellow rope tied to the end. I guess that's our seat belt.

'That sure is.' Both of them were smiling, if possible, ear to ear. Now I'm certain that Koisumi is a cheap, scheming bastard, I thought as I went in the van, bracing for the worst. Ikuto's poor driving skills didn't help me a bit.

**xoxo**

The ride to their home wasn't exactly comfortable since due to the lousy 'seat belts' and another reason. Every time Ikuto stepped on the brakes, we would slam onto the metal wall that separates the front seats and the empty space. The other cause was Haruhi mistaking the Statue of Liberty as a giant statue of a green woman holding a lemon-flavored ice cream cone. You should study sometime, Haruhi. It will do some good for you to do your homework once in a while instead of making me do your's.

'We are here! Come out!' The door opened and Ayano-chan leaned against it, exhausted from the one hour trip, due to the traffic jam in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge. After we climbed out of the van, we went from the frying pan into the fire. Their living quarters looked the same from the other buildings that were lined up on the peaceful block. There were two floors, several windows and some air conditioners that wouldn't be of any use in this season. My mind and body is content with this, along with Asahina-san, Koizumi and Nagato. But there was one person who wasn't satisfied with this.

Haruhi Suzumiya.

Seems pretty common that she's like this, right? One example was the day she got in trouble giving out fliers in the front gate. What the problem with this you ask? She was wearing a bunny suit that barely covered her upper body. She might as well hand out fliers announcing a new harem club.

I shared a room with Koizumi and Ikuto while the others have a room of their own and so, we made ourselves at home, literally. We hung around the dining room's wooden table, playing a few games of Go and Shogi, served tea by Mikuru-chan and watching our roommate's stash of badly dubbed anime. Just a while later, Haruhi hung the SOS Brigade sign on the front door, despite our groans and opinions. That wooden sign would be a signal of the many clichés, misunderstandings and facts to come. It is the saying, 'In hoc signo vinces' all over again. Ikuto comforted me saying that he'll protect me from anything that comes in harm's way. If you do, where have you been these last few years?

**xoxo**

After a day of unpacking and anxiety from the time difference, I woke up, as the Hello Kitty alarm clock, given by Ayano-chan, which doesn't suit me, ran early. Early enough to be three in the morning. Having a desire for some water, I went down to the main floor only to find out that they don't have any water in their thermos. Even they don't have drinkable water since their tap water was dirty in the morning, as I learned the hard way. After spitting out two mouthfuls of orange flavored Listerine, and a few minutes changing cloths, I walked out into the bitter cold of the city that never sleeps…. except there was a little kid on the corner of the block.

'Hey, aren't you supposed to be with your parents? Where are they?' I ran to him…no, it was a little girl who was under the streetlight, clutching a doll with panicked eyes.

'Oni-chan…Come closer…' Her eyes were wide open, holding out her arms as if she was asking for warmth.

Just when I was an inch away from her, there was a particular sensation as a gust of wind grazed though my cheek and it was… blood!? Looking up, I saw that the girl went into a complete transformation, as she was now wearing a black cloak and a witch's hat, perched on top of the street light. She even had fangs on the upper molars. Even a person like me can tell that she was a bona-fide vampire. What does a vampire even want with me? Of course, I look like a steak dinner to her but isn't there anyone else that she could bite? After two years of chaos, I never thought that my life was going to become a shounen anime featuring me as the main character. What else, there's going to be a magician coming to save me?

'Phasmatis ventus pulsus super thy hostilis!' A blast of air burst through the sky, hitting the hostile girl, if she had not raised a shield out of nowhere.

Me and my big mouth.

This seems too ridiculous to comprehend but Ikuto was shooting bullets out of the air and the vampire was launching her own stream of attacks, as the bats that flew around her negated the ones that flew at her. Meanwhile, I was did nothing but stared at the fight as if I had walked into Asahina-san's dressing routine. No one ran outside to see the commotion or any thing seemed to moved except the three of us. It was like closed space, without the giant 'Celestials' creating havoc upon the capital of the western world.

The bats started to aim at me, like boomerangs or kunais slicing the air itself. I ran for cover only to find out that a wall of psychic energy was blocking my way. This isn't a good time to recite the words of a starfish. My 'protector' did a series of acrobats while incanting another spell of his that started to cover the little girl and protected me at the same time. However, the girl was replaced by her hat which gently fluttered to the ground while she was on top of a roof and launched several beams of ice that would decapitate me in seconds, while we were off guard. I hate to say this but I'm too young to die. I saw my life flashing before my eyes but after feeling no pain during those few seconds, I decided to open my eyes to find out that the ice disappeared completely.

'Aren't you lucky! My superiors just told me to leave you folks alone! I'll be back to claim your life, Oni-chan!' She flicked her cloak and was gone with her bone chilling smile, just like that as the background returned to its normal scenery.

'Oni-chan? What does she mean?'

'It means what it means. I'm her older brother.'

There was a moment's silence as this fact was being processed in my head with a monkey typing away on a typewriter but, I get on that later.

I finally mustered the strength to open my mouth. 'This isn't over, isn't it?'

Ikuto replied, 'Nope, We're screwed.'

I could only groan as we were left standing in the middle of the dim streets, blood tricking down my face and my mouth parched for water, but when you just barely escaped a life or death situation, drinks doesn't really matter. I guess reality is really stranger than fiction…

**xoxo**

_Shimata: Sorry if the fight is a bit rushed, even my beta-reader told me this (Thank you, _Dreamer of Universes_). As a result of a couple of homework, days off and couple of 'unpredictable' factors in my unholy life, it took a month to write this chapter. The next chapter wont take that long and will explain why there are magicians and vampires in this story. And, as always, give me your reviews by clicking the holy blue box of reviews and give me your thoughts and suggestions. ideas does'nt come as often as rain here in New York City so yeah... _


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